


I Need You Now That You're Gone

by The_Eclectic_Reader23



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers Family, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), F/M, Hurt Thor (Marvel), Infinity War (Marvel Comics), Loki (Marvel) Dies, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Other, Parent Tony Stark, Protective Loki (Marvel), Protective Thor (Marvel), Protective Tony Stark, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 07:36:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20862587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Eclectic_Reader23/pseuds/The_Eclectic_Reader23
Summary: Loki died at the hands of Thanos. (Y/N) is shook by his death, not prepared for the future that is coming and driven by revenge of her loved one. Fortunately, Thor is by her side, like the rest of Avengers.





	I Need You Now That You're Gone

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in Infinity War, although I changed some aspects and suited the story to how I imagined it. It was written before Endgame came out. 
> 
> Warnings: English is not my native language. If there are some mistakes, I apologise. 
> 
> All the characters belong to MCU. You belong to yourself.
> 
> Hope you'll like it. Enjoy! :-)

Everything was supposed to be fine. 

For both Thor and Loki, for both Loki and (Y/N). Yes, Asgard was destroyed into million pieces left to float around in the galaxy, but they still had each other. (Y/N) was finally reunited with her childhood friend Thor and Loki as a future husband. The famous golden trio. 

Everything was supposed to be fine. 

-

Then the shadow came, overcoming the ship full of Asgardian citizens and covering all the lights, blowing them out. People started to panic, still not over the fact their home was gone, and now confronted with a new trouble, a visitor who probably wasn't very much friendly.

(Y/N) stood near Loki, anxiously watching the shadow of the gigantic spaceship in front of them. Thor already left the room, furious and armed for a fight. But Loki didn't move; he didn't even flinch. He just stood there, eyes wide open and staring at the unwelcomed ship. 

He grabbed (Y/N)'s hand tightly. It forced her to look at him. He was afraid. 

_If Loki is afraid, things are not ending good_ , she thought. The look in Loki's eyes pained her to the core, but before she could say something, he pushed her in the cornered room.

"Loki, what's going on? Who is that?" she asked, her voice slightly trembling. 

He was staring at her, tears forming in his eyes. He knew who's coming, he knew what's going to happen. As she was repeating the question over and over again, confused and panicked at his lack of words, Loki was only trying to memorize her face, her glowing eyes, heartwarming smile and soft lips. He wanted it to be the last thing he'll see before he fades to dark; he wanted her to be the last memory of the world he lived in when he sinks into black.

She didn't know. She didn't know he was silent because he was saying goodbye.

"I would do anything for you", he whispered and closed his eyes. He couldn't stop the tears, and as they landed on her cheeks, she realized. 

_No, he can't do that. He can't let go._

"I would do anything for you", he repeated. A hand of his cupped her cheek. 

"Please don't." 

He was crying. She was crying. 

Their shaking bodies collided once more and for the last time. Loki was hugging her so strong, like she was the air he needed so desperately to breathe (and she was). She squeezed his upper back and neck forcefully, sobbing silently in his armor. When they parted from a vulnerable embrace, he placed a kiss on her forehead and then, on her cool lips. _One last time._

"Stay safe, my love", Loki whispered, pressing his nose to hers. 

She waved her head in negative manner, looking up at him. "You can't let me go like that, Loki. You can't." 

He smiled reassuringly at her, carressing her cheek softly. _One last time__._

"I love you for whole eternity." 

With those words he left, not daring to look behind. As he was leaving, (Y/N) felt two strong arms lifting her up. She didn't care to look at the person as she was carrried far away from Loki's reach. She could only scream and plead for him to come back, but there was no use. 

She knew what this meant. 

She knew she will never see Loki again, kiss Loki again, feel him close again. 

She knew she will never tell him the last thing that was needed to be said; the news that could have changed the whole act in the end. 

-

She screams out his name, but it's not the same. 

The room she has just woken up in is dark. Looking through the giant window, which is taking the full space of a wall, she sees dark is outside too. It must be deep night. Not nearly close to the morning. 

There's a slight knock on the door. Thor comes in. 

"Must be another nightmare. Pretty bad, huh?" he asks, trying to sound blissful enough for her to forget her worries. 

She smiles. That's why she loves Thor; he is always the one ready to cheer somebody up and make them smile, even through the storm, even through the pain. 

She sits up and moves over, tapping the sheet for Thor to come closer. He obliges the need. 

"Yes, a pretty bad one." 

"About Loki?" Thor asks abruptly, before thinking it through. 

Tears form in her eyes. She doesn't bother to wipe them away. 

Thor coughs. "(Y/N), I'm deeply sorry..." 

She forces a laugh. "No, no, it's-it's fine. I... um... I still can't get completely over the fact he's... gone." 

Thor looks at her. She is crying, desperate... He had mourned his brother twice already; only this time it is real. But she hadn't. She has never suffered the loss of Loki before. Because Loki was always there, somewhere. And now he is not, and he is never coming back again. 

She sniffens once more. Tears are leaving a trace on her face. 

When Loki bid her goodbye, she was taken by Korg and ended up in a small machine, which looked and worked rather as a capsule. It strange device saved her; she landed on Earth, and a day later Thor joined her, accompanied with the group of aliens who refered to themselves as Guardians of the Galaxy.

They are the only Asgardians who survived Thanos' attack. 

"I wish he were here... He didn't need to... He could have saved himself too." 

"He wanted you to live. He wanted a better future for you", Thor reassures her. 

It's been two months since Loki died. 

"Well, for both of you", Thor adds and smiles. 

The bulge started to show; (Y/N) was about three and a half months pregnant. She wanted to tell Loki in a special way, to prepare him for the role of a father and to chase away the expected worries of his. Stopping Hela from causing Ragnarok certainly wasn't a good time to break the news to him; knowing how protective Loki was, he'd care more about hiding her from the coming doom and shielding her and the baby. 

Now she wished she had told him earlier. 

Now she wished she had been selfish enough. 

"Loki will never know. He will never be the greatest father ever in my child's eyes. _Our_ child's eyes." 

Thor moves closer and grabs her shaking hands. He carresses them with his thumbs.

"The child will know. He'll have the best uncle who will tell his nephew the best stories about his father. The greatest stories. He won't miss anything. The memory of Loki will always live in our hearts." 

(Y/N) nods and starts to cry. She was always the strong one, the warrior and some kind of a trickster too. Always bold, always ready. But now she's broken down, hit by life in unexpected way and she wishes to have somebody to carry her burden of sorrows and depression with her. A friend. And that friend is Thor himself. 

"Thank you", she mutters softly.

Thor smiles at her. Squeezes her hands tightly. "I'm always going to be here for the two of you. I will always protect you both for Loki." 

He gets up and leans forward to kiss her forehead. "Now go to sleep. You need it for the baby." 

But as he walks towards the door, ready to leave her chamber, she asks quietly: "Can you stay?" 

Thor turns around and looks at her. She looks terrified; loneliness doesn't suit her. 

"I don't feel good alone. I don't feel good at all without him", she explains. 

Thor nods and sits back at the edge of the bed. The rest of the night they spend talking and remembering.

-

(Y/N) and Thor came to live with the Avengers after they landed on Earth and seperated their ways with the Guardians. Thor reassured her they are nice and good people; maybe somewhat secretive (like Natasha) and obnoxious (like Tony), but generally good. 

(Y/N) was still in some kind of a trance when she entered the Avengers complex Tony built years ago. It was too huge, too loud - too much for her at the moment. But that was the only place to call 'home'. Everything she had lost. So she could only hold onto the baby, Thor and memories - and the latter was excruciatingly painful. 

She was afraid she wouldn't be accepted, due to what happened at the time of the attack on New York. She didn't know if they knew about her and Loki. 

But they didn't reject her: Bruce was kind and showed a great deal of empathy towards her, Tony offered her any help she may need and Natasha took (Y/N) under her wing.

As Natasha accompanied her to the room, Tony asked Thor: "She seems a bit disoriented. What's wrong?" 

Thor exhaled sadly. "She suffered a great loss. I'm afraid she's gone into complete breakdown." 

And then he explained who Loki was to (Y/N); how they were supposed to get married, how he protected her from the danger and certain death. It shone a new light on Loki. For the first time the Avengers felt a bit of sympathy for him.

And so life went on: Thanos was threatning to attack Earth at any moment, and the Avengers were preparing for the heaviest of battles they'll ever fight. (Y/N) shared her secret with Thor and the others. 

And the world kept falling apart. 

-

(Y/N) feels drained. Drained from all the negative emotions that circle around her heart like sharks in the deepest waters. From bad things that are happening and that were never supposed to happen. From bearing a child she doesn't know how to raise. Mostly, she's drained from the fact of being here, alone, unuseful, while everybody's doing whatever they can to stop Thanos. 

She catches herself looking in the mirror. The bulge on her stomach is painted with blue lines. The baby is going to be a Frost Giant. Or at least a half of the child will resemble his father. She touches one line carefully. It burns a little, but not enough to hurt her. She doesn't even want to think about the time of delivery. Will she make it out? 

Waving her head, she pulls down the sweater and promises to herself not to think about such situations. She is strong enough. She is brave enough. 

And bravery is exactly what she needs right now. 

She stands on the doorway and exhales deeply before opening the door of her room. She's about to kick some asses. 

-

"He destroyed my world and I want to help you to stop him from destroying yours." 

In the security hall are Tony, Natasha, Thor and (Y/N). Everybody stares at her. Her arms are crossed over her stomach, subconsciously stroking it.

"You want to go to the battle with us?" Natasha asks, raising her brow. 

"That's not smart to do. That's not safe for you. And the child." 

(Y/N) huffs. "He murdered my people! He murdered the father of my son! Yes, I want to go to the battle!" 

Thor puts a hand on her shoulder. "(Y/N), Natasha's right. It's not safe."

She stares at him pleadingly. "Thor, I...", she starts to speak, but Tony interjects.

"Okay, kid, listen up: you have to stay here, protected. You've gotta take care of the state you're in. I know it's kind of a personal nature, but .." 

She brushes him off with an angry look in her eyes. "Of course it's personal! Thanos took away my future and for that I shall take his life!" 

(Y/N) slams her fists on the steel table. Tony blinks before he lets out a breath. 

"You're being irrational. We can't take care of saving you too out there." 

"I don't need to be saved, Stark." 

"I surely doubt that", he says. "Look, I know. I understand. You wouldn't be here if I didn't. I know you loved him, but..." 

Now she cuts him off. "I still love him! What, just because Loki is... dead", her voice breaks. "It... it doesn't mean I stopped loving him." 

Silence crawls into the hall. Silence after all. 

They all stand there, staring at the floor, the wall, anything. Anything, just to process all the emotions and the pain washing off of her.

Tony stands up. "Look, kid,..." 

(Y/N) puts a hand over her belly. _Something's wrong_, she thinks. 

"... know it's hard for you..." 

She keeps staring at Tony, but can't focus on the words he's saying. He's making gestures, facial expressions, but she can't visualize his face.

"... keep fighting..." 

She can't concentrate. _It burns. It burns._

Tony is still talking, explaining God knows what. But now she can't hear anything else, but to feel pain, pain and more pain. Like she's in flames. Like she's fire. 

_It burns. It burns me._

And then she lets out a scream. 

"Tony!" Natasha jumps and quickly runs to her side. Thor already holds her on the floor, half conscious. 

"Take her to Bruce!" 

She hears yelling, somewhere in the distance. Shadows are dancing before her eyes. The contrast of a cold floor mixed with the internal burning calms her. It's soothing. She almost smiles. 

But then somebody lifts her up and the fire - the burning - comes back again, intensively. She almost protests. 

"Call Bruce! Call him, goddamnit!" 

That's Tony. Or is it Thor? Or somebody else? No matter. 

_Are we dying? Is it over?_

She thinks it so. She believes it to be her last moments here. As she is ready to fade away, she hears a voice ringing like a bell. 

_Keep fighting_, says Loki. _Keep fighting._

-

When she wakes up, Tony's sitting next to her bed. He smiles wearily. 

"Welcome back, kid." 

(Y/N) tries to sit up, but the black dots in her vision stop her from taking the action. Tony leans forward. 

"Lay down", he says. 

She looks around the room. Her questioning face makes Tony smile wider. 

"Hospital wing. And before you ask anything: the child is fine. He's alright. No harm caused." 

She nods, still looking around the room. 

"The only flaw is he reacts very badly to his mother's stress." 

(Y/N) rolls her eyes, but smiles too. She feels on ease now. 

"He's half Frost Giant. Like his father." 

"Right. Remind me to ask Thor about it later." 

Silence. 

"I'm sorry for causing problems", she says after awhile.

"No need." 

She nods in acknowledgement. 

Tony shifts his position. Now he looks a bit taller. "Listen, kid, I've been thinking... what can you do?" 

She immediately knows what's he refering to. "Mind control. Telekinesis. Creating doppelgangers."

"All we could use." 

Her head snaps in his direction. She smiles when she notices a small badge he's playing with. His eyes meet hers. 

"You're going to let me help you?" she asks.

"As long as you take care of yourself and the baby." 

He gives her the badge. She examines its structure with curiousity. 

"It's an A for Avenger", Tony points at it. "You're an Avenger now." 

"Just like that? You're claiming me as the one of your group?" 

"You earned my trust", he states calmly. "You have a good heart, (Y/N)." 

-

Days later, Tony left with Bruce. It is just her and Thor now. Well, and his friend Rocket, one of the Guardians. A raccoon who mustn't hear a word 'raccoon' in his presence. 

She's standing in her room, eyes closed. Focusing on breathing, she almost misses a sound of knocking. Thor comes in. 

"Ready?" 

"In a minute." 

Nodding, he leaves her alone. She takes Loki's photograph and smiles at it. 

"I'll give my best on the battlefield. For you", she promises. 

Placing a kiss on the photo, she puts it in one of her pockets. Taking a shotgun in one arm and carrying a bag in the other, (Y/N) goes downstairs. Before settling in the plane, she vows to the enemy she's about to meet: 

"I will kill you. I will kill you for the one I love and the one you murdered with your bare hands. Thanos, I'm going to get you." 

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested about the title of the story, it's actually a verse of a song "Polly" by Gem Club.  
Really nice song. 
> 
> (I used it to describe a mental state of (Y/N) after Loki died and she had to deal with everything at once).


End file.
